The prophet Muhammad saw said ‘A Dayooth will not enter Jannah.’ The Sahabah asked, ‘Who is a Dayooth?’ Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam said, ‘A man who does not care who visits his wife (i.e. men).’
And on the issue of Ghayrah, Ibn al-Qayyim, rahimahullaah, said,
“And the Dayyouth (the man with no jealousy over the women in his family) is the most vile of Allah’s creation, and Jannah is forbidden for him, (because of his lack of Ghayrah – jealousy).
The foundation of the Religion is Ghayrah, and the one without Ghayrah is one without Religion, for Ghayrah protects the heart and enlivens the limbs, and shields one from evil and lewdness, and lack of Ghayrah kills the heart so that the limbs die, so that there remains not even shielding from [the minor things].
And the example of Ghayrah in the heart is the example of the strength that shields one from sickness and fights it off, so if the strength leaves, he will be faced with the sickness, and will not find any thing to protect himself from it, so it will establish itself [within him] and destroy him .”
Ad-Daa’ Wad-Dawaa’, p.77
On this topic, a famous historical incident is mentioned, so that males and females with a sense of honor and enthusiasm may know how the pious predecessors despised a woman unveiling her face before men, although in the following instance it was permissible to unveil the face. During the third century Hijri, the Qaadi (judge) of Rayy and Ahwaaz, Musa bin Ishaaq, sat to adjudicate people’s disputes. Among the litigants was a woman who claimed five hundred dinars Mahr from her husband. The husband denied the claim. The Qaadi said to the husband, “Bring your witnesses.” The husband said, “I have brought them.” The Qaadi said to one of the witnesses, “Look at the wife so you may point her out during testimony.” The witness stood up and said to the woman, “Stand.” Upon this, the husband said, “What do you want from her?” The husband was told, “It is necessary that the witness sees your wife unveiled so that he may know that it is your wife.” The husband detested his wife unveiling her face for the witnesses in public. He screamed, saying, “I make the Qaadi my witness that this Mahr of my wife is an obligation on me, and she must not unveil her face!” When the wife heard this, she thought it was wonderful that her husband disapproved of her unveiling her face before the witnesses, and was protecting her from the sight of people. She too screamed at the Qaadi, “I make you a witness that I have granted my Mahr to him, and have absolved him in this Dunyaa and the Aakhirah!” The Qaadi said to those around him, “Record this as a moral standard.” – Taken from Tarbiyat Al-Awlaaad Fil Islaam
Allah says in the Qur’an: “The Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…” (Surah An-Nisaa, Ayah 34). Men who do not care about how their women behave and appear in front of other men and don’t enforce hijaab upon their wives or women-folk are called Dayyooth. Being a Dayyooth is a major sin and a detailed discription of this evil characteristic can be found in adh-Dhahabee’s book of Major Sins (Kitaab ul-Kabaa’ir).
A story of Gheerah
To further understand the quality of Gheerah, we can look at an incident that Asmaa’ (RA) the daughter of Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq (RA) and sister of Aisha (RA), relates about herself. Abu Bakr was a wealthy merchant and he married his daughter Asmaa’ to the great companion Az-Zubayr ibn al-‘Awwam (RA) who was a very poor man but a man of great piety and one of the companions who were promised Paradise. Asmaa’ relates: “When az-Zubayr married me, he had neither land nor wealth nor slave…”, so Asmaa’ had to work very hard kneading dough, going far off to get water. “And I used to carry on my head,” she continues, “the date stones from the land of az-Zubair which Allah’s Messenger (SAW) had endowed him and it was a distance of two miles from Madeenah. One day, as I was carrying the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet Allah’s Messenger (SAW), along with a group of his Companions. He called me and told the camel to sit down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy to go with men and I remembered az-Zubair and his Gheerah and he was a man having the most Gheerah. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) understood my shyness and left. I came to az-Zubair and said: “The Messenger of Allah (SAW) met me as I was carrying date-stones upon my head and there was with him a group of his Companions. He told the camel to kneel so that I could mount it, but I felt shy and I remembered your Gheerah.” So Asmaa’ declined the offer made by the Prophet (SAW). Upon this az-Zubair said: “By Allah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head is more severe a burden on me than you riding with him.” (related in Saheeh Bukhari)
Look at the sense of dignity and modesty of Asmaa’! See how she felt shy in front of men? See how careful she was about her husband’s feelings? She knew that her husband had a lot of Gheerah so she didn’t want to upset him by accepting the Prophet’s (SAW) help even though the Prophet was the purest of men and even though it meant bringing hardship on herself! And look at az-Zubair (RA), even though he had a lot of Gheerah, he didn’t want to inconvenience his wife. What a beautiful relationship they had!
Any men who might be reading this here are some things you can do for your wife so she will feel protected and maintained.
-You do all the shopping rather then letting your wife do it. If you work, get the shopping in the mornings or on your way back from work or on your days off. If your not confident enough then go with your wife for the first few times so she can show you which shops she gets what from and you can take it from there.
-When some one knocks on the door, you get it so she doesnt have to rush around trying to find her hijab and jilbab or have to talk to a man unnecessarily and dont leave the door wide open so that your wife is in full view. Answer the phone incase its a man, be authoritive.
-Dont let her go out on her own when it gets dark because it’s not modest for a woman to be out at night. If theres any errands she must run during that time then go with her and if you cant make sure she has a mehram with her so shes not on her own.
-Be her chauffeur even if you dont drive. If she needs to go any where even during the daylight hours drop her off and pick her up.
-Dont let her travel without a mehram, not only because it isnt allowed but also because she will feel like you care about her and want her to be safe.
-When your out walking it is a sunnah for the man to walk on the outside and the woman to walk on the inside of the road. That way she is less visible to people driving past in their cars and if any men walk towards you, you can make sure he walks on the outside nearer the road so he doesnt brush past your wife.
-Remind her that you think she is beautiful because she covers her beauty and that you would be jealous if any man looked at her or tried to speak to her. Remind her that you want to protect her from wandering eyes and thoughts and that you want her to always remain safe and that you want to take care of her because she is yours and no one elses.
I know there are some sisters who wouldnt want to be treated this way because they might feel slightly oppressed or stuck in the dark ages but I believe thats their own backward mentallity or lack of undertanding of Islam. They want to be an independant woman but just because you are cared for and protected doesnt mean you cant be independant.
As we know, on the day of judgement, there will be people whom Allaah Ta’ala will not look at (with His Mercy), these people include:
– The one who trails his garments out of pride
– The one who reminds others of his favours
– The one who sells his goods by means of false oaths
– The old man who commits zina (adultery)
and many more…
[From: Saheeh Muslim, Sunan An-Nasaa’i, Ahmad and others (from multiple hadiths)]
However, there is one hadith on the authority of ‘Abdullaah Ibn ‘Amr, collected in Ahmad, An-Nasaa’i & Al-Haakim, which brothers should really ponder over, where the prophet (saw) mentioned:
“There are three at whom Allaah will not look at on the day of Resurrection: (1) the one who disobeys his parents, (2) the woman who imitates men, and (3) the duyooth (a man who has no protective jealousy towards his womenfolk).” [Saheeh Al-Jaami’ As-Sagheer 3/74, hadith no. 3066]
Unfortunately, having no ghirah over your women folk is something which some of brothers have blatantly fallen into. No doubt this is something which we as Muslims have adopted from the western lifestyle. Having no ghirah over your women folk and allowing them to speak in sweet tones to non mahrams is more common here in the west as it is in eastern countries, although this fitna is spreading quickly.
Now with all due respect, I personally have no idea how a practicing brother can allow his wife to be so open and easy going with other brothers (non-mahrams).. Allaah Ta’ala mentions that such a person (who has no protective jealousy) would not be looked at by Him on the day of Resurrection.
The prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “The women is object of concealment, when she leaves the house, Shaytaan (the Devil) beautifies her.” [On the authority of Abu Ahwas from Abdullaah, recorded in Tirmidhi 1173, Ibn Khuzaymah 1685-1687, Tabaraani 10/132, Abdur-Razaak 5116, authenticated sahih by Shaykh Al-Albaani in Sunan of At-Tirmidhi 1173]
I personally ask all practicing brothers to review themselves and review the way they allow their wives to behave in public. As ‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab said, “Take yourselves to account before you are taken to account.“
I mean no offense to any brother, and I sincerely apologise if I hurt anyones feelings.. My intention is only to advice, as I love you all for the sake of Allaah Ta’ala and only wish the best for your affairs in this life and the next.
Furthermore it is compulsory for you wife to obey you, so it’s unimaginable for a husband to say he cant say anything to his wife in this regard.
When the prophet (saw) was asked which woman was the best he replied: “The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding his person or property doing anything of which he disapproves..” [Reported by At-Tirmidhi, An-Nasaa’i & Al-Bayhaqi]
Again, I mean no offence to any brother, I’m just saying as to what I have seen from practicing brothers with regards to this issue (of having no ghirah towards their woman folk). Me and another brother have been put in tight scenarios three (now four) times now, and its just shocking knowing how some brothers have no ghirah over their women-folk, allowing them to speak excessively and in sweet tones to non-mahrams. What has happened to possessing this beautiful characteristic of having ghirah over your women-folk?
As ‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab said: “O people, whoever among you sees any crookedness in me, let him straighten it.“
He (r.a) is also reported to have said: “May Allaah have mercy on the one who, when he spots my mistakes, tells me.“
And such should be a true Muslims attitude when advised. Rather than being like those (the Jews) who said “…We hear and we disobey…” and then have regrets when the reality of the seriousness of the sin is shown to them in the after life.
There are three nice articles online about Ghirah:
1) Protective Jealousy (Ghirah)
2) Reviving Our Sense Of Ghirah
3) Victims Of Freemixing
As a man, you are responsible for those under your care (and hence you will be questioned):
From ‘Umar (radiyallaahu ‘anhu) who said that Allaah’s Messenger (salallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: “Each of you is a guardian and is responsible for those whom he is in charge of. … a man is the guardian of his family and is responsible for those under his care; a woman is a guardian of her husband’s home and is responsible for those under her care….“ [Reported by al-Bukhari (Eng. Trans. 9/189/no.252) and Muslim(Eng. Trans. 3/1017/no.4496)]
And i re-quote the original hadith:
“There are three at whom Allaah will not look at on the day of Resurrection: (1) the one who disobeys his parents, (2) the woman who imitates men, and (3) the duyooth (a man who has no protective jealousy towards his womenfolk).“ [On the authority of ‘Abdullaah Ibn ‘Amr, collected in Ahmad, An-Nasaa’i & Al-Haakim. Authenticated in Saheeh Al-Jaami’ As-Sagheer 3/74, hadith no. 3066]
Lastly, I just wish to say to those practicing brothers who have no protective jealousy towards their women-folk (which is just too shocking) to seriously fear Allaah Ta’ala, and I say this with all due respect.
As ‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab said: “I fear that I may make a mistake and no one will correct me out of respect for me.“
Likewise, a man once came to ‘Umar and said to him – in the presence of witnesses – “Fear Allaah, O’ ‘Umar!” Some of those present became angry and wanted to silence him, but ‘Umar said to them “There is no goodness in you if you do not say it and there is no goodness in us if we do not listen.“
[06-02-10 (Update): Ok now that this is on my blog where I can speak more openly as compared to on our mailing list, I’ll just add by saying how astonished I am at seeing “practicing” brothers dropping their wives off to places where THEY KNOW that their wife will have to interact with other men (Muslim or non-Muslim, it doesn’t matter). How can you allow your wife to interact with men without you being present there!? Especially if you know your wife has a sweet tone of voice and cannot control her tongue (by that I mean, she talks to anyone) and furthermore she doesn’t wear the niqaab nor a proper (plain, non glamorous) jilbaab.
So what, you dont mind your wife talking to other men? Is that the case? You’re ‘ok’ with dropping your wife off places where, if a man were to approach her, she has to interact with him due to her role… Where is your gheerah over your womenfolk? That’s your wife, you keep her.
Just imagine, a man comes whom she now has to speak to, would you like that? And we all know what goes through a mans mind. Shaytaan is the third one there, what do you think shaytaan whispers to him? So now people “share” their wives with the whole world do they? Thats YOUR wife, YOU enjoy her sweet and beautiful company. By Allaah, it’s like I wanna hold you by your shoulders and shake you. What the hell is wrong with you?! Stop showing the world you got a sweet wife, stop allowing her to go to places where she has to (due to her role) speak and interact with other men.
Even if you were present there, still a REAL MAN with gheerah over his wife would not allow her to be in such scenarios. Yet “practicing” brothers drop their wives off places and leave them there where men come. Masha-Allah well done! So now you got men thinking about how sweet that lady/sister was… Imagine that! OTHER MEN thinking about YOUR wife! La hawla wala quwata illaa billaah. Fear Allaah, and I say this to you even though you are an elder in our society, so I respect you on account of your age (being way older than me), but no-way do I show respect to a brother who has no gheerah over his wife! I ask you by Allaah, what is wrong with you?
And again I quote you: the prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “The women is object of concealment, when she leaves the house, Shaytaan (the Devil) beautifies her.” and no doubt a sister not wearing the niqaab seems to be more beautiful than she really is! Allaahu-Akbar, now you got brothers telling you how beautiful and sweet your wife is! Well done!]